if karma doesn't lie.

We grow and we age. And at times,we almost forget that growing up isn't easy cause of the people and circumstances we had to go through in between,apart from the pain which blend with the laughter. Life is cruel in a way that we never are allowed to feel just happiness but life is fair in a way that it give equal pain to everyone. I know of the pain I felt but I am far too sure that he will feel the pain too someday,or he had feel the pain,its just that he is far too cruel to let me feel the pain. you got it,don't you? i know i messed up my life,doing things that i barely think i will do,i moved the wrong step,yes. but i know things can't be undo. i know he couldn't possibly be the one i wanted him to be,what i can do is just be the best i can be for him. i always had this thought that,you'll be treat as good as you treat others,as bad as you do shit to others. its karma thing you see. i know that if i deserve to be treated more,i'll get that someday,somehow. and if i didn't deserve to be treated like i'm his life then i must have done something bad to anyone to deserve that. i wanted to play neutral,to act like i'm not hurt,to act like i'm genuinely happy,i wanted to care less about my heart cause i know there's no way out of it. and one thing that i hope,if his name was written for me up there i hope when the time comes,i don't have to pretend to be happy,when the time comes i'll be closer to God,back to the first junction i got lost. insyaAllah.