i wish i could feel the love.

sometimes i feel uncertain of myself,about what am i feeling. there are times when i feel like laughing so hard till i could hardly breathe and there are times when i feel like crying all to myself. and somehow i still find myself curled on the bed crying everynight for god know why. i'm sure enough i'm not living in the sheath of memories but i know i can still feel the pain,and i'm sure there are pieces of my heart that still keep the wrath. and what's worst is that apart from my uncertainty towards myself i feel uncertain of others too,uncertain of others to love me. i learn to love again but somehow i see myself falling apart as i don't allow others to invade my life entirely. there are still blockage at the entry. i want to stop this game,this isn't cool and how much it torture me. of all the things i wanted right know is just to feel the love people spare for me and never doubt it.and of all the things i wished now is just,i wanted to be at the top of the world,i wanted to feel the warm tears of happiness and yes,to be loved. i know i have to keep my life alive and if i failed i know who should i put the blame to.